Category Archives: Humor

An Uncertain Spring

24 Tuesday Apr 2018

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The wind whips at my window,
leaves slapping and crushing
against the screen.

Rain and sleet strike through
to the glass-paned barrier
with unfettered force.

Is the weather voicing
its control, or just saying,
“The season is a-changing?”

Calendars noted Spring
a month ago, but by
whose authority?

Meteorology professes
there are four seasons
with distinct personalities,

But why would one believe
them genetically pure?
As wind is a common

factor, is it not likely a
season’s DNA could
cross over and mutate,

like Fall’s Indian Summer,
or flings of Spring
showing up in Winter?

If this Spring breezes by,
would a Summer Solstice
be asking too much?
Pm

Welcome Home, Pumby!

02 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Children, Family, Humor, Life, Muse, Seasonal

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Girl silhouette with dandelion seeds blowing

Pumby was with us
for a few years back then.
Our three-year-old daughter’s
imaginary best friend

graced our table, seated in the
“empty” chair at our tea parties.
At night, she lay under the bed,
keeping the monsters away.

They got along so well. Pumby
was a perfect friend and scapegoat,
accepting her role as the guilty one
when something went wrong.

We were told she moved to
New York City when
the girls were teens, but
she’s baaaack!

Who else could have
let the mouse in,
or shoved the dirty socks
under the bed.

And who else would’ve
lit fireworks past midnight,
then wake me by turning
up the music at dawn?

Welcome home, Pumby,
and Happy New Year!

Shopping Like a Tiger

10 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Humor, Nature, Seasonal

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Slow and stealth like a tiger,
I weave through the holiday browsers,
dodging ribboned mines of packages,
children being tugged through the menagerie,
and rivulets of sodas splashed onto the floor.

I am preying upon the store that
advertised the ultimate selection of
gifts for the whole family, and I sense
that I must be quick and agile if
I’m to acquire my targeted gifts and
return to my den unscathed.

Decadently Retired

28 Friday Oct 2016

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image

Like licking the spatula
when no one’s looking,
Or sneaking up to see
if Santa’s been there,

It feels decadently naughty
to sleep in till after eight, or
to order pizza delivery
in the middle of the afternoon.

But it’s the privilege of
being retired, and I think I’ll
pour a glass of wine, and…
I’ll be asleep before nine!

My Exercise Schedule

25 Monday Jul 2016

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image

I know I need to move more,
but when it’s labeled exercise,
my body just won’t go.

Yet, give me a smooth pathway
inside an air-conditioned mall,
and watch me rock ‘n roll.

The music keeps me hopping
through the halls and stores
as I go about my shopping.

Hours fly by, and before I know it,
I’ve met my weekly walking goal,
and I did it all today!

The Lizard

17 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Humor, Nature

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Lizard

He was small and dark,
not the stereotypical kind;
But he left a lasting impression
as he skittered and passed me by.

Now, I’m pretty easy going if
we remain in our separate homes;
But he broke the code established
when he entered my domain,

I know his cute tail wagging
was not a fond hello;
But like army infantry,
he was sliding toward a goal.

I was glad to give a hand
and carry him to the door;
But it’s imperative our socialities
are strictly held outdoors!

Dancing to Different Beats

01 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Humor, Life, Nature

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We looked deeply into each other’s eyes,
Your head held high and proud,
Mine slightly lowered and held fast as we
Passed in the grass.

I spoke briefly, noticing how you had grown
Through the summer,
And thankfully you didn’t hiss a reply
But smoothly glided on,
The perfect glissade to my Texas two-step
In the opposite direction.

Upcycling

04 Tuesday Aug 2015

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For my birthday this year,
I would like an upcycle;

You know, like when old furniture
Gets a new coat of paint for
An updated look on the outside,

Or like a well-loved stuffed animal
That gets totally new insides,
And its outside is refreshed.

Or like the recently emptied fruit jar,
Cleansed both inside and out,
And filled with sparkly lights.

I would be better than before,
Ready for a few years more.

Morning’s Blush

29 Wednesday Jul 2015

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The sun blushed as it rose today,
Realizing it had not seen me this way before;
Risen yet half awake, in the throes of dressing,
I covered my naked face with makeup.

We are casual friends, sharing pieces of each day,
Yet today one of us crossed the line
And rose before our time. I doubt either of us
Will forget and I vow not to rise early again.

Mi Yarda es su Yarda

26 Sunday Jul 2015

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Humor, Nature

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As if in a boxing match,
a quick meeting in the middle
signaled the beginning.

We watched each other carefully,
uncertain if or who
should take the first step.

I slowly inched backward,
not daring to take my eyes off him
in fear of a deadly strike.

He eyed my action as one of concession
and declared himself the winner,

blades of grass swaying with his rhythm as he
slithered through the yard he now claims his own.

The Class Structure of Plants

11 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by in Humor, Nature

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Bindweed blooming

If weeds were cultured,
would we believe them beautiful?
Would bindweed be trellised,
encouraged to grow?

Would Southern kudzu finally
find its place on the dinner table?
Could milkweed gain a purpose,
cure a catastrophic disease?

Would human intervention or
chemical alterations render weeds
susceptible to outside forces?
Could they continue to claim the
title, “Survival of the Fittest?”

Would changing these undesirable
buxomness of green to desirable members
of the biological plant chain
wreak havoc with scientific classifications
and create a social hierarchy among plants?

Lady in Waiting

09 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by in Art, Humor, Life, Love

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Lady in Waiting

 

The mail-order bride catalog
said my wait was nearly over;
my station in life could be found
just around the corner. Which,
of course, I took literally and believed.

I thought it meant I was
to wait for you by the train station,
the one near my house. But…..

I’ve stood, waiting endlessly, for you to come.
I won’t vacate my post; I don’t want to miss you.

I hold my head high, hat perched slightly askew, and
watch as my threads are scorched by the sun and
dehydration turns my bones inside out.
Should I give up on you?

Prideful, I know I can’t have been wrong;
You just took a wrong turn. You’ll be here soon.
With fortitude of steel, I straighten my back,
and wait some more.

*********

Lafayette, CO has impressive Cultural Arts and annually displays sculptures throughout town.  This particular one was begging for this poem!

Artist: Victoria Ross Patti
Arvada, CO
Location: 211 N. Public Road; Mojo Coffee
Materials: Steel
Price: $3,800

Displaced

08 Monday Jun 2015

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Seeking quiet space,
I found refuge in
corners all across town.

I sought shelter, as if
without a home;
Coffee shops, libraries,
stores and malls.

When badged officers
did a double take
as they walked by,
I’d look engrossed
in the library book.

However, their routinely presence
eventually brought discomfort;
I couldn’t stay there any longer;
where next could I go?

At the local mall,
I window shopped, yet
security officers
stared suspiciously
as if to say,
“It’s time you moved on.”

I left, but scorching heat
kept me moving
from one air-conditioned space
to another.

Constantly on the move,
often feeling unwanted,
I fled time and time again.

But I’m lucky.
I was merely displaced
by the two men
up on my roof.

From dawn to dusk,
their hammers commanded
I leave my nest, but
I have a home to return to.

Power of a Raindrop book

06 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Art, Children, Family, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Love, Mountains, Nature, Philosophy, Seasonal, Weather, Writing

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Power of a Raindrop cover

I’m excited to share that I now have a book of poetry, Power of a Raindrop, published and available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and through the publisher. If you order from the publisher, the first 10 to order will receive 15% off the retail price. http://shop.ravenbooks.net.

Aardvark

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Animals and Insects, Humor, Nature

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You may think me a blended breed

of pig, kangaroo, and bear;

but I’m really quite unique,

the last of the species breed.

 

I’m not that small of stature,

but my strength is in my toes;

I’ll dig and burrow deep

in search of my favorite prey.

 

I knock their houses down

but unlike the famous wolf,

I don’t announce I’m coming

and I don’t huff and puff.

 

I don’t hunt for food in daytime,

the light hurts my tiny eyes;

besides, they’d see my coming

and scatter different ways

 

My palate is quite selective,

and presentation is key—

I like my termites sub-style,

affixed to my foot-long tongue.

 

I’m not usually this social

nor verbose as I am tonight,

so I’ll quit ere I get tongue-tied,

for that would ruin my life!

 

4/1/15

 

I read a poetry challenge to write on a subject starting with letter ‘A’ and write in negation.   Being April Fool’s Day, I couldn’t resist having a little fun with it.

Prose Poetry Challenge: Fingers

23 Monday Feb 2015

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fingers typing

When I let my fingers do the walking, the yellow pages are my street. When my fingers run, they ruffle through your hair, then slow to a crawl as they tenderly caress your face. But let my fingers do the typing, and the gate opens. Thoughts cross the threshold from my mind with prose flashing across the screen as fast as the fingers can go.

 

Today’s challenge asked for poetic style in prose format, fingers as the subject, with assonance (same vowel sounds within prose without being a rhyme).

Elegy on Fog Poetry Challenge

19 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by in Health, Humor, Life, Nature, Poetic Challenges

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Quick-thinking brain of my long lost youth
left me without a goodbye, how uncouth!

Jeopardy champions in our own way;
you had the answers while I had the say.

Shadows inhabit my brain now at times
shifting from fog to a cold, icy rime.

When it is clear, we are back, you and me;
winning the game for the whole world to see.

This challenge definitely had me lamenting my thinking cap of yesteryear! Trying to portray lament, praise, and solace in dactyl was a nice stretch of the brain.

Limerick Challenge

17 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Humor, Nature, Poetic Challenges

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There once was a widow from here
Who wanted to wander to there
But, oh the gas price
Rose not twice, ’twas trice!
So she settled for crackers and beer.

*********

There once was a plump, purplish plum
Who spent languorous days in the sun,
He shriveled and dried
Then rose up with pride,
And said, “Now I’m a prune, I must run.”

********

Ah, the limerick challenge. Always such fun. With journey as a topic and alliteration as a device, I traveled in a couple of different ways.

2/16/15

Water Haikus

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in Humor, Nature, Poetic Challenges, Writing

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Flowing summer streams,
aquatic conversations,
visually sound.

*****

Spring’s frozen waters
melt like Frosty the Snowman
to create new streams.

*****

Summer sprinklers spurt
iridescent teardrops for
children to play in.

*****

Sixty percent water,
yet still I thirst; hydrate me
so I’ll wrinkle less.

*****

Natural orbits–
rivers, rain, return to earth–
water recycling.

*****

Drop by drop, dribbling,
gushing forth. Water quenches
all sizes of thirst.

*****

Mesmerizing plane,
a body of lake water,
aqueous gold of life.

2/15/15

Presented with a challenge to write a water haiku, I overflowed; I couldn’t stop with one. These are not designed to flow from one to another but to be enjoyed individually.

Waiting at the Doctor’s Office

04 Wednesday Feb 2015

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Like a sinkhole,
they are swallowed up,
patient upon patient,
settled in sterile rooms,
waiting their turn for
the healer’s words and script.

I watch as people continue entering the portal,
yet those who return are strangers,
definitely not the same as those I saw enter.

Will the inner depths swallow me alike?
Will I return a stranger myself,
passing familiar yet unfamiliar people
as they scan my face?

The New Retail Calendar

30 Sunday Nov 2014

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Did you ever stop to think….

that with Black Friday starting on Wednesday extending through Saturday,
and Cyber Monday starting on Sunday extending through Tuesday,

if this shopper’s week were our permanent calendar,
a week would consist of three Mondays and four Fridays?